“What if I told you to just write?” This was a question that popped into my head one night when I was feeling weary – which I often did during the night when I do most of my thinking. At first, my brain tried to rationalize the situation and I tried telling myself it was something I made up to make myself feel like I was hearing God. I’ll be the first to admit that I ask those “…but is that really you Lord?” questions too often, both in genuine curiosity and also in rebellion, because I don’t like what I’m hearing.
I took a moment to just marinate and think about the question in front of me. If you know me you know that I consider, or used to consider, writing as a passion of mine. I stopped doing it when times got confusing and hard because I told myself that other things mattered more – such as fitting the mold I thought would please everyone else; the mold that seemed like the “right” next step, the one that made sense, and the one that was physical that I could see and understand. But that is the problem. We are not supposed to understand everything that God has for us. We are supposed to TRUST and have FAITH in God our Father. We walk by faith not by sight.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
~2 Corinthians 5:7
There is a difference between being confused and not understanding. God is not a God of confusion. He is a BIG God. He is an INFINITE God. Which means that our brains aren’t able to understand or even comprehend ALL of who He is. But even in all his vastness and infiniteness He still pursues us – He still calls out to us – He still loves us. When I wrote the question that popped into my head on a piece of paper, I took time to just look at it. And then out of sheer curiosity (or nudging) I looked up what the word “write” meant in Hebrew. One of the translations for this word made that simple question turn into something more than I could’ve ever thought.
For the past month or so, I’ve really been struggling within myself about how or when I was supposed to spend time with God. I know that everyone has a different relationship with God, but if I’m being honest, there is a difference in knowing something and understanding it. For example, I know why grass grows but do I understand how it grows. I know that everyone has their own personal relationship with God but… do I understand why? Do I understand that God just wants me? He just wants you. He doesn’t want duplicates. He doesn’t want copies. He wants uniqueness. He doesn’t want religion, He wants relationship. Do I truly understand that? Do I truly understand that not everything is going to make sense? And that it’s okay – at that point is exactly where faith comes in, if you allow it.
Do you know what “write” translates into? It translates into connect, add, bind, link, piece, compose, tie, associate and join. When that question popped into my mind, I was asking God a bunch of how’s, what’s and why’s. He retorted it with a question so deep and full of love.
“What if I told you to just join?”
“What if I told you to just compose?
“…to just bind”
“…to just link”
“Just connect.”
The more I would look at these translations the more I realized it wasn’t really a question at all. It was a declaration of His infinite love. “Just be with Me.”
What if God just told us to be still? To forget about all of the hustle and bustle of the world. Would you listen? Would you have faith and trust? If you say yes right away, well that’s great, but be careful. You have to count the cost. Jesus said “So don’t follow me without considering what it will cost you. For who would construct a house before first sitting down to estimate the cost to complete it? Otherwise, he may lay the foundation and not be able to finish it. The neighbors will ridicule him saying, “Look at him! He started to build but couldn’t complete it!” Have you ever heard of a commander who goes out to war without first sitting down to do strategic planning to determine the strength of his army to win the war against a stronger opponent? If he knows he doesn’t stand a chance of winning the war, the wise commander will send out delegates to ask for the terms of peace. “Likewise, unless you surrender all to me, giving up all you possess, you cannot be one of my disciples.” (Luke 14:28-33 TPT)
God wants you. He wants you – but He doesn’t want half (1/2) of you, or three quarters (3/4), or ninety-nine point nine percent (99.9%) of you. He wants all of you, one-hundred percent (100%) of you, all the time. The real you. The you that is honest with Him. The you that doesn’t try to hide anything but the you that is transparent and real. It is definitely not always going to be easy but God doesn’t give you what you cannot handle; rather He lessons the severity of every single trial you face so that you can have a greater faith in Him and come out victoriously. (1 Corinthians 10:13) He loves you.
“What if I told you to just write?”
By Ainsley Wilson
