The Cry of a Heart….and Hope

I am not a perfect Christian… and as long as I am an imperfect human I never will be. In the Passion Translation Bible, Psalm 39 is titled “A Cry For Help”, now put that in the back of your mind.

If I came up to you and told you that God wanted to take up every hour, minute and second of your day today what would you say? Would you hear me but not understand me? Would you feel flattered and then move on? Would you make up excuses saying that you’re too busy? Or would you say okay and go in a private room with Him and just be with Him?

Like I said in the very first sentence, I am not a perfect Christian; I am not a perfect person. I want to tell you something raw and honest – as the Bible says, honest confession good for the soul. If someone came up to me and asked me that same question you just read, I’m not sure what I’d do. I might think, “Yeah right,” or I might try and do it only to feel like I failed because I didn’t hear this BIG loud booming voice saying “AINSLEY”. I know myself and I know that immediately I would question myself and I would doubt myself – that’s just how I have always been – in school and in life in general. I’ve always been the type to be a people pleaser and when I feel like I let someone down it eats me up inside; I feel gross and almost immediately want to cry. I feel like I have completely and utterly disappointed them and the thought of that hurts. So, when I try and put that same fear of disappointment with my relationship with God it usually doesn’t end to well. I end up feeling guilty, hurt and like I’m just broken. I start trying to compare my relationship with God to everyone else around me; my mom, dad, pastor, boyfriend….and the list goes on.

I want you to know something. Comparison does not get you anywhere! God does not want your relationship to be the same as another persons with Him. God wants each of us to have our own personal raw relationship with Him. One where you can come to Him in your darkest of moments and just praise Him and be with Him. One where you talk with Him throughout the entire day even when you aren’t really in your “study time”. We shouldn’t just meditate on His word when we pray, read the Bible or praise Him; we should be mediating on it all hours, minutes and seconds of the day. So really if someone came up to you and told you God wanted to spend an entire day with you it shouldn’t be any different from what we should already be doing. Now, I’m not saying you can’t watch TV, workout or hang out with friends and family – all that I’m asking is that in each and every moment of the day you are glorifying Him and loving Him with all that you do.

Think of it like this. When you meet someone and fall in love with them, they are all that you can think about; they are all that occupies your thoughts. You try and come up with any way that you can see them and be in their presence again. Don’t you think that God wants that with us – only multiplied?!?

Now let’s go back to Psalm 39. Did you know that when we feel guilty or hurt or even worried all we have to do His cry out to God? All we need to do is be honest with Him; be truthful with Him. Psalm 39 deals with our words and with God’s discipline.

Very quickly, I want you to think of your mouth like a garden. If we choose not to guard it (because yes it is a choice), we are letting the weeds come in and destroy what once had the potential to be beautiful. However, if we decide to actually guard our mouth, then we are keeping the weeds (death) out of the garden and allowing for beautiful things to come forth and grow (life). God cannot live in us if we have weeds because then He would be going against His own words….and well, He doesn’t do that. But if you catch yourself slipping just ask God for help, truly repent. And yes, God can rebuke us and discipline us but that is what a LOVING parent does for His children. He isn’t doing it because He finds joy in “punishing” us, in fact it isn’t punishment at all, but He is doing it because He sees our potential and He loves us so deeply that He wants to help us get to it – GET TO HIM. We just have to be willing to accept the correction.

I strongly encourage you to please read Psalm 39 and truly meditate and think on it. Be blessed.